Alexander Light and Dark
Things that were stupid at the Oscars

I mean, I really don’t hate Jennifer Lawrence. She was my second choice for the Oscar in 2011 — see “Winter’s Bone,” guys; it destroys “Silver Linings Playbook” and “The Hunger Games” — but this Oscar was an error, and it will not age well. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not Earth-ending idiocy like Sandra Bullock’s pity win, but Chastain and Riva are actually great thesps. Lawrence was last night’s prom queen, not the “best actress.” She’s charming like Bullock or Julia Roberts, but she’ll never be Meryl Streep or Kate Winslet.

You’ll get yours in a few years, Jess. This is no different than Gwyneth Paltrow besting Cate Blanchett. J. Law’s the flavor of the moment, but you’re an exciting actress who grounds films and inhabits characters as well as Daniel Day-Lewis.

And everyone knows my feelings on the “Argo” win. So you didn’t like “Argo” as much as everyone else, Academy. Have the balls to give the Oscar to “Lincoln” or “Life of Pi.” Sheesh. It’s not a pity party, and “Argo” was just OK.

Although I gotta give a shout-out to Ang Lee. You get your directing Oscar, girl.

Not to be dramatic, but if you don’t think “Zero Dark Thirty” is the best movie of 2012, you’re wrong, and I fucking hate you.